Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
