You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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