Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
