so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
