In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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