just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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