That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
