Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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