i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
