he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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