my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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