I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
