You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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