he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
