I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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