hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
