Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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