After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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