I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
