Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Don't make out with my wife yet
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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