He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
