I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
