I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
