when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
