Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
