I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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