mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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