make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
