She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
