Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
