My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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