He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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