we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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