I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
