i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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