i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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