Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
