Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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