She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
