Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
