i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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