Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
