Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
