All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
