Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
