That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
