Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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