I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
