Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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