it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
