Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
