i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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