this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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