dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the day after is always just damage control
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
